The kid is one!
I've sort of bumbled along, enjoying him and not thinking too much about the passage of time. It's this thing where you look at your child and you see a baby, because they're your baby. And then one day you see someone with a younger child and you say, "Oh my gosh! When did my baby get so big?" And all of a sudden your baby doesn't seem like as much of a baby anymore and a dull ache sets in with this startling realization.
Where did it go? How did this happen?
That's where I'm at. Last night I was looking through some older pictures on my phone and I came across one (or 50, but who's counting?) from when Cooper was about 6 months old. As it hit me that he is now over 13 months old, sadness also hit. He is beginning to look more like a little boy every day. He's growing taller and observing more, and getting into anything and everything he isn't supposed to by way of his funny little inchworm crawl.
Big boy haircut and big boy toys!
A year, gone just like that. His babyhood is slipping through my fingers like fine, dry sand and I'm clinging tightly, but to no avail. My heart aches and I want to cry. I want to wallow in self pity and bemoan the unfairness of it, but that would be silly. This is life and this is what happens. Children grow up, time passes swiftly and all we can do is try to be present each and every day.
Big boy haircut and big boy toys!
A year, gone just like that. His babyhood is slipping through my fingers like fine, dry sand and I'm clinging tightly, but to no avail. My heart aches and I want to cry. I want to wallow in self pity and bemoan the unfairness of it, but that would be silly. This is life and this is what happens. Children grow up, time passes swiftly and all we can do is try to be present each and every day.
I realized how quickly life was passing even before Cooper was born. I used to have days when I'd feel this suffocating anxiety thinking about not having enough time with B. But this? This is time moving at warp speed. I feel like I'm going to turn around and be dropping him off at school. It's almost too much to bear. It really does make me feel the most incredible sense of sorrow. To love someone the way I love these two guys of mine...its madness. It is to be vulnerable and it is painful. But it is also rich and rewarding, and is the very essence that makes life worth living. With that said, right now will have to be enough. I will try to remember the details. To remember what chubby little arms feel like around my neck, the rhythmic sound of his sleepy breathing, the way he reaches for me when he sees me no matter who is holding him, and the sweet sound of his giggle when daddy is tickling him. Yes, I promise myself I'll remember these things. After all, I've waited my whole life for them.
